Parenting Low: Outsource Your Kids, Hire a Coach to Teach Them to Ride a Bike! The End is Near!

obama bike

Some of today’s upwardly mobile generation doesn’t want to take time to teach their kids the time-honored rite of learning to ride a bike. Another of the ways that parents could bond with their kids and have an experience they could all fondly remember, going down the drain.

Teaching your child to ride a bike is so passé. Sure, you may think it’s your job to teach balancing, pedaling, and breaking, but for some it takes too much of their precious “me time.”

One woman gave the kid a bike with training wheels and just told him to go for it. Eight-year-old Max Goldberg of New York couldn’t quite get the hang of riding his bike, so after two years of training-wheeled trying, his mother stumbled onto a solution.

BICYCLE COACHES, take the dirty job away from them, justified using all kinds of excuses.

Ah, hell. Didn’t want to get to know the kid anyway…

Sure the child might get a skinned knee (HORROR!) or something, but we wouldn’t want the Participation Trophy Generation to suffer such an indignation! It could mar their self-image for life!

Here comes the punchline… Private lessons cost in the neighborhood of $75 to $150, EACH! Where do I sign up to be a coach???

Howard Roth works as a bike coach in Long Island, N.Y., where he “teaches” kids how to master a two-wheeler.